Can a Russian woman age 30 be truly interested in a man of 70 years?

by Peter
(Albany, NY, USA)

I met this woman on a sex webcam site. I began in the "private" sessions only to talk. She initially refused to give out any personal information, but eventually gave me her address, phone number, and email.

She said she was only working the site to make money to pay off her parents' debt. She soon quit the site, moved to Moscow to be with family and we have continued to talk twice a week on SKYPE. She has never asked for money, is reluctant to apply for any visa, even fiancee. She is working a legitimate job in Moscow. She has accepted $100 and $200 that I volunteered to help her transition off the sex site.

She is not married and has no children. She is open about her friends, family and work.

She says she "Likes me very, very much" and I tell her I love her which I do. I am a retired physician. She says I do not look my age and likes my personality.

I do not think she is scamming me, she asks for nothing except to talk and see me on SKYPE. She does think her legitimate job in Moscow will make it easier to get a visa.

My real question is: Do I continue to court her and hope she will agree to meet and someday marry, or am I dreaming?

Bob's Answer:

Let me start with my answer to your "real question" first, then expand on the details later.

You should NOT continue to court her an HOPE she will agree to meet and marry. But that doesn't mean it's over. If you're serious about it, why don't you visit her in Russia? The odds are that she won't ever get a visa to come to the U.S. on her own.

And one doesn't "court" and "hope she will agree to meet". If you're interested and want it to happen, you make it happen -- at least as far as it depends on you. And making a trip to see her seems like an obvious and necessary step toward that end.

Now to the question asked in the subject line: Can a Russian woman age 30 be truly interested in a man of 70 years? It would be unusual, but not impossible. Women in professions like her former job often see a darker side of life and cling to a strong, decent person.

OR, she could be scamming. I often hear "she asks for nothing" and "she hasn't asked for money" as evidence of authenticity. But when she throws in the story that she works some seedy job to pay off her parents' debt, THAT IS pretty much a request for money! And recognize it or not, you knew that's what it meant, which is why you sent money.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, it would be unusual for a girl on a sex-talk site where you pay-per-talk (and probably a fair amount of $$$ over time) to just give you her direct contact information where you can communicate free. I would guess that she earned pretty good money there.

So I can't really tell for sure what's happening here.

But I do know that sitting and hoping isn't very likely to succeed in anything. If this is to be "real", it must be face-to-face. That's really fairly non-negotiable. So tell her you would like to visit her in May and spend a week there. Her reaction could tell you a lot.

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Follow-up: Can a Russian Woman age 30 be truly interested in a man of 70 years?
by: Peter

Dear Bob,

I have continued to talk to this Russian woman on SKYPE for 6-8 months now. She continues to know my age but also now knows my age but also that I am undergoing treatments for macular degeneration to preserve my vision. She will meet me in Moscow, where she lives, if my doctors okay the trip and I decide to meet her. She states that she wants to stay in Russia for now and make a life there for herself, and only jokingly admits that if I come to Moscow and marry her she will come to the US as my wife on an immigrant visa.

As I said, I have sent her money in the past to exit the Porn site, but she declines my offers for money now.

My question is: Why does this woman still want to maintain a relationship on SKYPE but asks for no favors to admit her as my wife to the USA? She will let me visit, at my doctor's advice, but only as a tourist and says she cannot come here to be my wife because her life, for now, is in Russia. I am completely confused. What does this woman want? She knows I "love" her, but that she "likes" me. She also knows I am a retired MD.

Thank You,

RE: Peter's Follow-up
by: Bob (Site Owner)

Hi Peter

First I must point out that this is definitely outside my normal ballpark, so please take anything I say with appropriate weighting :)

Just to confirm my understanding: (1) You continue to offer further financial help but she declines. (2) She has quit the porn site. And (3) you continue speaking frequently on Skype (free).

If this is all true then here are my thoughts.

My gut tells me she's probably just a decent girl who is on the up-n-up, appreciates your concern for her well-being, your material aid in helping her improve her life, and your company. My gut also suggests that while all this is true, at the moment her intentions aren't for marriage with you.

She flat out says she doesn't want to leave Russia. From your report she only "jokingly" speaks of marriage, goes out of her way to stick with "like" in describing her feelings toward you, and avoids using "love" in those descriptions.

This is a tough one to process.

On the one hand it would actually be strange if she DID come to the point of wanting to talk about marriage or love without having ever met you in person. People don't really just fall in love over the internet - at least not usually.

AND FRANKLY when you talk to a girl about love, romance, future, and marriage, that's just going to scare the crap out of her 99% of the time. Yes, of course, at some point that comes up. But it's AFTER you've laid some foundation for attraction. And that certainly happens AFTER you have met IN PERSON.

Even if you were her age all of this would be true.

If I were in your shoes, I think I'd just STOP talking about the future, love, and marriage, and GO VISIT. And DON'T talk about those things during your visit either.

But in a way, I would be optimistic. You mostly want to know "Why does this woman still want to maintain a relationship on SKYPE but asks for no favors to admit her as my wife to the USA?"

I don't mean to get too Pollyanna-ish, but maybe you have actually built something of value here. She DOES LIKE YOU. I'd say she probably recognizes something of value in you. You have actually cared for her, and sought her best interest at your expense. You continue to take an interest in her well-being.

This is all rather significant.

That doesn't mean a gorgeous 30 year old is going to go for a health-challenged 70 year old, but I don't think you can rule it out either.

GO. VISIT HER. I look forward to your report!

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