Gun-shy from previous foreign marriage - Would Ukrainian women be different?

by Mike
(Tampa)

I'm a little gun-shy from a previous marriage to a Central American woman who used me to enter the USA and then physically, mentally, verbally abused me, lied, stole money from myself and others, and slandered me. Can Ukrainian women be trusted to be any different?

I know that women and men are the same around the world; some good and others not so good, some with good motives and others are users. I noticed on one site that it had a "Trust Level" percentage. How do they know who is trustworthy and how can they measure or evaluate each lady? How can I tell if the photos are real of a misrepresentation of who they are or look like? On "Online Dating Ukraine" their are some very beautiful women, but are they for real? Are they models with pictures taken by a professional photographer. This happens on American dating sites, where they have a nice photo(s), but are less attractive or desirable in person.

One TV story showed where a married lady from a foreign country met and married an American man. Later the foreign husband showed up, only to be introduced as a brother or cousin. In the end they took advantage of the American man and abused him. Another story, a woman married an American man and had children by him and later fled back home with the children. Due to international laws it was next to impossible for the man to ever see his children again.

How do we know when a woman is putting on an act, to only rip the carpet out from under us? I was fooled. I am 57 years old and I noticed that some 32-34 year old ladies are open to men 60 years old. I don't want to be some lady's "sugar daddy") I have suffered some physical and financial blows, but I want a woman who can accept me for myself and not what she can gain out of it. Is that possible with a Ukrainian woman?

Marriage is hard enough, but adding cultural differences makes it even harder. How can it be made easier? I desire companionship and I have found (on Ukrainian sites) some very beautiful ladies, but I need to know if they are authentic and genuine and won't want to move on to greener pastures (more materialism) once arriving here (USA)? I'm sure they think the same thing about us American foreigner. It's a gamble, but I would like a 100% guarantee or close to it. It's hard to find a good woman after 30 years old, but all things are possible.


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Hi Mike

Wow, that's a fairly packed question, well-stated, and surely reflects the concerns of MANY men looking at this pursuit, and the pursuit of love in general. Thanks for posting it!

Can Ukrainian women be trusted to be any different from your Central American ex-wife? As you concede, some have good motives, others don't... this includes Ukrainian women. They range from the most conniving, materialistic users who will do anything to "trade up" to the most sincere, selfless women you could hope to find anywhere. I'll answer the obvious resulting follow-up question in a moment (how can you tell the difference?).

I see that this "Trust Level" is on that Online-Dating-Ukraine.com you mention. They actually answer that in their FAQs at http://www.online-dating-ukraine.com/faq.html#trustlevel. Supposedly it is a measure of how confident they are of the woman's identity.

Let me come back to what I think the "Trust Level" feature on this site really is.

But verifying that a woman's identity is authentic... I.e. that her name, age, marital status, and location are "as advertised" is the relatively easy part. But as you surely know, this information isn't exactly everything you need to know. Your Central American ex's name, age, marital status, and location were probably accurate, right?

This is one of those areas that I wish men understood better... "Scams" come at ALL LEVELS, and the whole challenge of being sure she is "REAL" is the easiest part. Yet so many men, once they're convinced that the girl writing them really is named "Irina", that she really is 29 years old, that she really does live in Sochi Russia, and that the pictures on the site are accurate, feel they're safe from scams and/or other misfortunes.

The reality is that if you use the right sites and/or agencies then this challenge is almost completely a non-issue. Not to be completely immodest here, but you can find the better sites and weed out some of the bad ones by just reading my reviews.

But you can also apply common sense... For example, that site you mentioned, Online-Dating-Ukraine.com... I've never heard of it before, but in less than one minute on the site I see two big things that immediately cause MAJOR concerns:

1) ALL the women are REALLY HOT. Go to Russian-Ukrainian-Women.com or Elena's Models and do a search for 26 year old women. MAYBE 1 out of 100 will be as hot as the women at Online-Dating-Ukraine.com, and maybe 1 out of 1000 will be that hot AND open to a guy over 45. Which site matches up better with what we know about reality? Does Online-Dating-Ukraine.com just have the magic source of all the hottest women who want the oldest men? NO, it defies common sense! (Note to lawyers: I don't even know this site, so I am making no "unprovable assertions of fact", just applying a little common sense deduction :-)

2) They offer pay-per-letter services. This combined with #1 is almost a guarantee that the women are in partnership with the site. And note... these may be "real" women, and their information and pictures may be accurate, but you can't know if the agency is paying them to write letters.

Those are two observations anyone can make. In my humble opinion if you're communicating with women on this site, you're already being scammed. And if you actually plan a trip to go meet one of them, it'll be a disaster. It'll probably go a lot like this guy's story: My Experience With Anastasia Date. But most of those kinds aren't looking to come to the U.S. They just earn good money by playing along.

As for these scary scenarios you hear about on TV, I personally believe that's the propaganda arm of the feminist movement attempting to scare you into submission, and away from considering foreign options (see Russian Women Myths).

For every nightmare story they cover on TV, there are 100 happy Russian/Ukrainian-American families who have no regrets. Why don't they do TV shows about the success stories? And another question: Why aren't there TV shows showing American marriage horror stories? The answer: These shows don't fit their template... it's not what they WANT to show because it's not the message they want to put out.

And maybe this is just my naivete', but I don't believe that a man with his "eyes open" would fail to detect a woman's true motives through YEARS of marriage, and I don't believe that very many Russian/Ukrainian women are cunning enough to hide true motives for years without detection.

When a foreign woman comes to the U.S. on a fiancee visa, she has to be here and keep up the facade for THREE YEARS before she can actually stay here without her husband's participation and consent. If they break up 2 years and 11 months after her arrival, she will not be granted residency or citizenship and will need to return home.

Again, maybe I'm naive, but I don't believe it is normally possible for a woman to keep up that facade for that long. For that to happen, the man would need to be ignoring many clear indicators that something just isn't what it seemed.

But even if I'm wrong about this... that they are actually so clever about hiding their true ulterior motives that they were completely undetectable, what else can you do?

Searching for one's partner among Russian/Ukrainian women does not insure in any way that one won't find a relationship that ends in disaster due to the fact that the woman had ulterior motives. It happens often, especially if you enter this pursuit uninformed. But it happens with local women too.

My best advice: Keep your EYES OPEN!

Yes, SOME 24-32 year old Ukrainian women would accept and love you in your current situation. BUT, at 57 years old with less than an "optimal" financial situation, you need to be realistic.

A really attractive 25 year old Ukrainian woman open to a relationship with a man over 60 may be hoping to marry into a better life.

A more average-looking 41 year old Ukrainian woman is probably a much safer bet regarding long-term intentions than a really attractive 24 year old ("PROBABLY", "ON AVERAGE"). So how can we know when a woman is putting on an act? You can never be 100% sure. Life involves risk. All you can do is keep your eyes open and use your best judgement.

About those cultural differences complicating things... and how can it be made easier? THAT is the hardest question you pose here, and frankly I'm not 100% sure I can answer it.

I hope that helps!

Bob

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