Am i being lied to?

by Ali

Hi. I have known my friend Sergey for nearly 3 years now. We first met through a social site and we became friends. I was dating someone at the time, so Serge and I kept it friendly. I later grew feelings for Serge and was already having a break up relationship.

Now I am single and Serge has pretty much stayed with me all this time. Now we are calling ourselves dating and our feelings grew super strong. He NEVER asks me for money, but once I sent him a letter (which he never received it - is there a way to get a letter to him this time?)

Anyway, yes we do talk of being together in the future, etc etc. But he says he will travel to me (he does not want me to go to him as he says it's more difficult for me to travel to him, he would travel to me).

He also has on his Facebook that he was attending college and it says from 2012-2016. Yes he says he still attends it, but everyday he gets up for work and doesn't mention his studies. He just tells me he can miss some classes......But, everyday, he doesn't mention classes. He says he will visit me when his school is over in one year.

What do you think., oh also, he says he loves me and wants me to stay in his life, but I have not once seen any of his friends , or his family . BTW, I am 32 and he is 22. He is very mature and lives with his mom and father. He is not a pervert and never sends nude photos (except once). He seems more mature and educated and calm.

Bob's Answer:

Although I "specialize" more in how the Russian/Ukrainian WOMEN scams work, there's probably enough overlap for me to take a stab at this.

I'm a little confused by some of these details though... you have "known" Sergey, he stayed with you all this time, etc. This is all long-distance? I'll proceed with the assumption that it is.

Have you spoken on Skype? Phone? If not, DO. You'll get a lot more feel for what's really happening. And as I say throughout my answers to these kinds of questions, don't accept any excuses. If he says he doesn't have a phone, it's 100% sure he's lying. If he says international calls are too expensive, he's lying (almost all Russian cell phones work on a pre-paid basis and all incoming calls are FREE, even international). If he says he doesn't have internet at home or a web cam, he's probably lying (with the phone it's definite).

It's not unusual for postal letters to fail to reach their recipient. And if they succeed it takes up to 3 weeks.

The part about him traveling to see you is the most concerning part, and even though he hasn't started on that end game yet, that's usually a scam. It's not easy for a young, single Russian to receive a tourist visa to the U.S. It's not impossible, but most of the time it's going to end with "I have a friend at the travel agency who can get me a visa, and I'll book my flight to visit you in the middle of January..."

There may be a part there where he'll say he has most of the money for airfare, but just needs $350 more in cash to cover the whole thing. Or maybe not. But if not, you're still not safe. On the day of his alleged flight he'll tell you there was some last-second problem and he needs cash.

While it's true that travel to Russia is a little difficult for U.S. citizens, if you and he are all that "together" I think he'd want to see you.

The inconsistency about work/school is fishy, but not as much as the other things I've mentioned.

Please post follow up questions or comments as a "Comment" to this post.

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Am i being lied to
by: Anonymous

Well, Serge does speak with me on messenger video, he did give me his number to SMS text him, he does make a lot of time for me. No I have never met him, but he most always is available for my neediness.

Though he says he has an MTS phone, he says he has 50 text messages per month. Is this true? He never texted my phone, but if I need him I will text him and he will respond on messenger.

He does give me a lot of his time to be honest. But he says he will visit me, and would not like me to come to him. He says it would be easier for him. I don't know. I can give you as many details as possible. I'm praying he is true to me. I can comment again with further info. And again, thank you

Am i being lied to
by: Anonymous

Also, Serge has said he has a phone/ internet, home internet, etc. He doesn't appear to be evasive, but I've been hurt and lied to so much in my past that I want to make sure he is the one.

He is accepting to the fact of being in a serious relationship with me and does usually call or text me most often when I ask him. But, sometimes I wonder because he says while he live just outside of Moscow that while it takes him an hour to commute from Odintsovo to his work in Moscow, he says his internet is limited while traveling outside. Is this true? So he usually texts me on messenger while he is traveling. But if I ask him to call me, he says his wifi is limited and doesn't want to use it up. But, I was wondering, if he travels from Odintsovo to Moscow, is it really an hour or more if he goes on foot and by train or bus or whatever?

We haven't spoken in Skype in a long while as I deleted mine, but I will suggest we do this weekend.

Also, he says on the weekends his parents move out to the "countryside" to attend to their home, land, etc. But I have never once heard voices of his parents? When they leave, maybe his sister will stop by for an hour, and he usually is not available for that time. I am curious as to that also. But, I mean, do you have any (sure fire) questions I can ask him that will reveal if he is dishonest with me? Maybe you can have me ask certain type questions and I can relay them back to you for your input? I love him so much, but I am also worried and want all of him to be real, to be honest with me....please help. My heart is lonely and for the most part sad from my life here, so I need him to be real with me.

Thank you again.

[From Bob: I will post an answer in a few hours]

by: Bob (Site Owner)

MTS is just the carrier, like Verizon, Sprint, or T-Mobile. I guess I could expand that on most of their prepaid mobile plans all INCOMING calls AND TEXTS are free and unlimited. Outbound texts and call time deduct from the prepaid balance. I've never heard of it being a certain count limit, like 50, but he may just be simplifying it rather than explaining too much.

When you say "messenger" I'm guessing you mean is a data app (like Yahoo Messenger). If so, this makes sense. Since incoming texts to his phone are free and unlimited, you send him a message, then when he can connect to a wifi hotspot he can interact without cost.

What city is he in?

I still REALLY don't like the "it's easier for him". That's the real red flag for me. I would not overlook that. If he's really into this, he should want to see you, and if he's SERIOUS at all he won't want to wait a year, especially when you're offering to travel to his city.

On my site at (much of it should apply to "Avoiding Russian Men Scams") I say one "MUST" is "Meet in her city". Read that. DO THAT.

Am i being lied to
by: Anonymous

He lives in Odintsovo. Travels to work in Moscow. He said his commute takes one hour, but he usually gives himself two hours (example, he would arrive at "work" an hour early each day...I can ask him details about his phone, and he just told me that incoming texts are free, but to reply is not. He does offer to video chat with me frequently though. (As I am the shy one )
Um, I have sent you more details in another comment.
He teaches English at his work. His shifts are 12-9pm off on weekends. I think it's within a school there

Answer 2
by: Bob (Site Owner)

Sorry, but it looks like these answers aren't displaying perfectly chronologically. This is the answer to the second followup....

The story about how long it takes him to get to work is very plausible if he doesn't have a car (and many people there don't, especially 22 year olds). They walk a half mile to the metro, take the metro into town, take the bus from the metro to work, etc. It's not quite as quick and convenient as here.

The story about the limited internet also sounds completely believable, but I think you worded it wrong (or he did). Usually wifi is unlimited. He probably just meant that his mobile data is limited.

Here on an Android or Apple phone you can set it to recognize your home wifi, and when it is within range it automatically connects to it. When it leaves that range it connects to the 3G/4G/4G-LTE network, and that starts counting against your data limit. AND, when you're connected to the wifi network it's usually much faster.

Well it's a lot like that there with a few adjustments. First, the mobile data (when you leave the wifi area) isn't nearly as fast, so when he's not connected to a wifi network the data speed probably won't support a decent voice or video call. And the data is probably pretty expensive.

From my communications with many women there over the years this has been 100% the case. Voice or video is nearly always when they're connected to wifi.

If you have spoken via video on this "Messenger" system you mention (Yahoo?) you don't need to do Skype too... Just any video. The face to face removes some of the unknowns.

As for questions to test his honesty, I can't really help you there.

You REALLY need to just go there. That's what I tell EVERY guy concerned about the authenticity of a woman with whom they're corresponding. That makes it real. And that removes 80% of the uncertainties about what's really happening.

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