Am I ugly?

by Paul
(Bronx, N.Y.)

Hello my name is Paul I'm signed up for a number of Russian dating sites, however I don't get many responses from these Russian women. I might have one or two responses every month or two, and when I did talk to them the conversation quickly falls off.

Why what's going on? Are they looking at my pictures in my profile and trying to determine if I have a lot of money, are they scammers, or are they just changing their mind about how they feel towards me? I never know. I don't want to waste any money signing up with these dating sites if it's just going to fall off. Is there anyway I can meet somebody? I know it's not something I'm saying and I know I'm not a bad looking guy. Any advice?

Bob's Comment:

I doubt it's your looks. Without seeing the pictures you post, the text of your profile, or the content of your messages, I can only speculate as to your lack of success. But I'm pretty sure I can offer a helpful bullet list of possibilities for improving your experience on this front.

First, remember that on most sites you need to be the one to initiate contact. Sure, the sites allow for the women to write you, but usually on those sites the women who DO initiate contact are usually not the ones at the top of your wish list.

For example, at there are a LOT of active female members, and if you have a profile there and log in regularly (which keeps you at the top of the women's search results) you WILL receive messages (way more than 1-2 per month). But, in many cases the ones writing you may not be of interest to you.

And if you write to the ones that interest you, at least if your stats are the same as mine, only about 1 out of 10 reply. And of those who do reply, many are often doing it just to be polite and don't really have any interest.

So initiate LOTS of contact. And I tell ya, the absolutely amazing thing about is the shear VOLUME of members! You could always search for women in Ukraine and Russia between 30 and 45 who registered in the past 8 days and never be able to view them all and never see the same girl twice. So, send out intro letters... lots of them... every week.

And that brings me to... SECONDLY, it is a NUMBERS GAME!

One day... JACKPOT! Someone who really excites you writes back, and actively participates in the communication.

And this isn't just theory. About 5 years ago I was in a slump, feeling like it was never going to work. I was on Russian Cupid at the time. And I saw this one lady from Russia who was REALLY attractive (to see what she looked like Google "Angelina Jolie Pictures"). I wrote her (the Russian version of Angelina Jolie, not the American version) on a whim.... sort of like being at the gas station, and since I'm already there, and since the lottery jackpot is as a record $370 million, I buy a ticket.

Well, I wrote to this girl figuring she would surely either turn out to be a scammer or would not reply. But it only takes 20 seconds to tap out a quick "Hi, I would like to get to know you..." But she did reply. And, her first message... "Hi, I looked at your profile too, and I would like to get to know you better too, and the best way will be with Skype, WITH A WEBCAM. You should also have many more recent pictures to send as I will be doing the same."

You ever have someone write THAT to you? Especially someone who is a spitting image of Angelina Jolie? Does she SOUND like a scammer? Scammers avoid Skype video like the plague. And that "WITH A WEBCAM"... SHE put the all-caps.

Well, to fast forward a bit, four months later, after spending countless hours on Skype video calls, we spent a week together in her city. Four months after that we spent a week together in Dominican Republic (where I proposed and she accepted). Four months after that I visited her in Russia again. And 6 months after that she arrived here on her fiancee visa and we got married. The fact that a year later we were divorced really doesn't negate the success.

Keep in mind that when she first replied to me I wasn't buried in responses from other good prospects. And I really did not think even she would respond.

So, remember, NUMBERS GAME!

So, continuing with our numbering system...

Third, you may not be "ugly", but it is possible that your pictures don't "click". If you look too casual or unkept or poorly dressed, that will hurt you badly with Russian/Ukrainian women. If you want to absolutely remove looks as a possible reason for a lack of success, have a professional photographer take some studio shots of you wearing a SUIT. Russian/Ukrainian women LOVE men in suits. You can wear a gorilla mask on your head as long as you're wearing a suit :) In addition to your professional studio suit shot you should also dress very nicely in all your pics.

Fourth, for those contacts that just "fall off" after a few messages... again it's hard to say without seeing some of the dialog, but one important thing to keep in mind is that there's only so much you can write that will remain interesting (same for her). Serious Russian/Ukrainian women DO NOT WANT LONG CORRESPONDENCE. Somewhere on my site I say something to the effect that if you could not see yourself getting on a plane to visit Russia/Ukraine in the next 3-5 months, DON'T START WRITING.

ALL "serious" Russian/Ukrainian women will ask within the first 2-3 weeks of communication about your potential for a "real meeting". If your answer is "ummmm, uhhhh", they will lose interest. You don't have to book a trip the moment they ask, but you have to say something that gives them confidence that they aren't completely wasting their time with you.

The only women who will write forever are the ones where you're paying by the letter :) (Think AFA, Anastasia Date, etc.) And if you haven't seen this on my site already, NEVER NEVER NEVER USE PAY-PER-LETTER SITES. Well, if your goal is to have very attractive women write you, then that's a good route to go (as long as you realize they're paid to write).

Anyway, I hope this helps. If you have any follow-up questions or comments, please add them as comments to this post and I will answer (if needed) by adding another comment.

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