Correspondence vs. Extended Tour question
Bob, I was reading through the YOUR Questions section and I saw where you were musing about taking the approach of visiting Kiev for an extended time
(a couple of months?), perhaps through Daisy Brides (I like that site), and give yourself the chance to date and really get to know a special woman in
person. Have you done this yet and, if so, do you think it was a positive experience?
This approach appeals to me. I mean I can do the correspondence approach but for me there's something about sitting at a restaurant and looking into
her pupils. I really think one meeting (or even 2-3) can go a long way. For correspondence, I have the fear of a woman ending up a flat experience after being so promising. It has happened to me here in the USA in the past.
I am ambivalent on the correspondence vs. individual tour through Daisy Brides. Both seem viable but my lone fear on Daisy Brides is these girls know you're in town to meet multiple ladies so they may feel cheapened... like a number. So maybe they look at you with disdain or go in with very lowered expectations.
I mean it's just about meeting ladies (like at a coffee house... for an hour... feel each other out) and see if there's a connection. It's dating.
No promises or anything. Just see if there's a freaking connection. It shouldn't be about a pride thing.
Within two weeks you should have a top 2 or 3 so you whittle it down to 1 and then literally date her for 6 or 7 weeks, fall in love, fly back and do the Skype/correspondence thing and keep the train moving. Maybe a vacation to the Dominican Republic, another month visit to Ukraine. By that time you should be hearing wedding bells.
I'd really be interested in your perspective on this subject. Thanks for your site. It's been a BIG help. Boy, I love these Slavic women. I am now
looking at western women when I am out and thinking to myself, "You self-centered, career-minded, high-maintenance snobs... you should thank God every night for the Atlantic Ocean because, if it wasn't there, you'd have to act like civilized people". Sorry, I really shouldn't be so snarky. :-)
Snarky is welcome here, but you only get a "B-" in snarkiness... :)
No, I really haven't quite made that extended tour plan yet, not quite like I wanted anyway.
I understand your concerns about the correspondence approach. It worked perfectly for me when I first did it, but my biggest challenge with the correspondence approach now just seems to be the lack of ability to really get anything going. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough, and maybe first time I was just really lucky (which I really feel like I was).
Best I remember (can't seem to find the actual material now) my idea was to go and stay longer, kind of blending a correspondence approach and tour approach. So, go to Kiev, use Daisy Bride for accommodations and for intros when I'm having trouble keeping my schedule full, but between dates (and ideally starting a week or two prior to departure) write women online in hopes of getting to that 2nd or 3rd message by the time I'm there so that I could just say "Hey, I'm in town, let's meet for coffee..."
I did that back two years ago, minus the "extended stay" part of the plan.
And the "extended" part simply works more on the logic that there's never enough time, and less to give you longer to date one girl after you narrow it down further (as you describe).
Your idea is good, but you're really just describing a classic individual tour followed by a longer period to spend more time with the one remaining after all the narrowing down.
I can tell you with a fairly high degree of confidence that the plan you describe (go individually, arrange your own dates for two weeks, narrowing the field down to one, then spending another few weeks there mostly with just her) has at least one very predictable surprise.
Russian/Ukrainian women are ***FLAKEY*** about scheduling. When you arrange dates yourself directly with the women, they're late, cancel, postpone, reschedule, or flat out just don't show up more than 50% of the time (Dale, you out there? Can I get an "Amen"? :)
After two weeks you may end up meeting only three different women. AND, that concern you have about the agency approach, where the women would know you're seeing other women... They're going to figure that out pretty quickly with this plan anyway, and the whole "cheapened" experience could actually be worse because it will probably seem more like you're trying to hide it.
Agencies REALLY smooth out this "flake factor". Dates arranged by the agency cancel far less often. There are probably several reasons for this, but let's leave that for another time.
With an "Oksana" (the Daisy Bride manager, and I promise I don't get paid for saying this :) on the job, she has your list of girls you want to meet, she schedules them, and she'll manage your schedule. And when a girl flakes an hour before the meeting time, she'll usually call Oksana, not you. Then Oksana gets on the phone and feverishly works to just have a DIFFERENT girl on your list show up at the exact same place and time as the other one was scheduled... She just calls you and says "Hey Gary, Olga ditched, but I called Natalia from your list and she'll be there instead... Same place, same time, just Natalia instead of Olga..." It doesn't always work out that perfectly, but it always works out better than you could work it out yourself. If you were scheduling this all yourself, you'd be in your apartment/hotel that night surfing the web trying manage the rest of your schedule.
Another predictable surprise is that nothing goes according to plan! Maybe you use the agency and your appointment schedule stays full, but that narrowing down to one just doesn't go as smoothly as you hoped. The one you liked most is going out of town for work next week and will be gone for a month. Another one will be around, but isn't as interested in you as you were in her. You settle for #3, have a few more dates with her, then #1 informs you now that her business trip has been postponed and she can see you again now. I guess that reminds me: Bring aspirin, sedatives, etc. :)
And THAT is the magic of "more time". If a guy has the opportunity to be there for a few months I can't help but feel like it will provide the context in which these things can develop more naturally, and with less time pressure.
Anyway, does this help answer some of those questions? Does it create MORE questions? :)