First contact, added to whatsapp, trying to interpret responses

by Sid
(New York City)

After my first introduction letter, she responded quickly... I believe I am a couple of years out of her age range. She's 28, I'm 47, i think she has 45 as the high range, but I am a good looking man and look much younger than my age.

She responded and said that age doesn't matter, it's just about how two people feel. Which seems like a reasonable response.

In my second letter I told her more about myself and asked about her hometown and what she does there, etc. Based on the advice here I also provided my phone number so she could add me to WhatsApp. She added me immediately, but never actually responded to the second letter.

It's only been a few days, but our WhatsApp contact is somewhat superficial. I ask what she's up to... she has sent a couple of pics, as have I. Sometimes she doesn't respond to my texts or pictures, even though I can see that she's been online.

I'm looking for guidance on how to approach her. Should I ask if she's really interested? She doesn't ask me any questions or really seem interested in getting to know me. But i haven't asked for a call or anything... I'm looking for some text interaction from her, but am not getting much.

So just asking how I should proceed. she may have many suitors, she may not be very interested... I don't really know...

Bob's Comment:

When I solve THIS ONE I'll let you know :) I get this all the time... I write a girl a short intro letter saying I saw her profile, she seems ____, ____, and I really like how she ____, and I'd like to get to know her better, ask her to look at my profile and let me know if she'd be interested, and she replies "Hi". "HI"? Is that a "Yes"?

Or, if she replies longer than that, but not really enough to communicate, I often do what you did, suggest Skype or WhatsApp. They agree immediately, we send a few IMs, and then almost nothing.

So, all that to say, I know the feeling.

As for what to do about it... Simple, try to jump start it a few times (like suggesting a call). OR, JUST CALL. One thing I believe is that they - probably far more than local women - want the man to take initiative, push, be assertive.

But then, if that jump start doesn't work, assume the signals either mean she's not very interested, or is just lazy, or just has no clue how to proceed. You can't fix any of those, so your next move is to write to other women.

I do have a little story that may help... A few years ago I was in that situation when seemingly out of the blue I wrote to a girl I thought was surely out of my league, more out of curiosity than anything. I knew she wouldn't write back, so nothing risked. Well, after 1000 dead ends, this one DID write back, and wrote back in an engaging way. Short version: After three meetings (two in her city, one in Dominican Republic) and 18 months, she was here and we were married.

Now it wasn't a 100% "till death do us part" success story as we were also later divorced, but the relationship was real, and the "math" of the story holds... Perseverance pays. It's just a numbers game. You go through 5, 10, 100, 500, or whatever before you find one that writes back, seems genuinely interested, REMAINS interested, truly engages in the process, and there's no doubt she's serious.

But to me, after you try long enough dragging a girl into the relationship long enough without any help from her it's time to look for someone else.

And one really good thing about a site like is that every week hundreds of new women join the site. So if there's no one there currently that interests you, or who seems to reciprocate your interest, just come back a week later and use that search parameter that limits results to women added in the last 7 days.

Just my opinion. Hope it helps!

Comments for First contact, added to whatsapp, trying to interpret responses

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Dominican Russian
by: John

Hey Bob,

Nice reply to the question. Was the lady that lived in Dominican a Russian Woman? How long were you married, why did you divorce?

Re: Dominican Russian - John
by: Bob (Site Owner)

Hi John


No, the lady in D.R. didn't LIVE there, I just met her there. Wait, let me clarify further... We met (as in made first intro) online. Then we "met" for the first time face-to-face in her city in Russia. Then we RENDEZVOUSED later in D.R.

We were married just under a year, and divorced mostly because she had different expectations of life in America than was the reality. That's often a challenge.

by: John

Thank you for the update, expectations, I will remember that!

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