I believe my Ukrainian fiancee is true, but need some advice

by John
(Boston, USA)

I have been very seriously dating a Ukrainian woman for 16 months and we are set to meet in three short weeks. All has gone so beautifully for us and I have chatted with her online on the site where we met and on cam quite a few times. I see her as very trustworthy and feel in my heart she is everything her profile said.

She has asked me for nothing and is very adamant about paying for everything for us, the visa (CR-1 spousal), her tickets, the hotel she will stay in, all the dates we will go on, etc. I am very happy at this and tried to offer to pay at least half and she flatly refuses. I wanted to go to Ukraine to meet her and she said after we are married and find "our" home together then we can go visit her family and stay with them for a few months.

She wanted to come to meet me here in the U.S. and prospect the possibilities of opening her business here. She is wanting it to be our business together but will not let me pay to start it and wants this as a wedding gift for us. She also asked me to give her the courses I am taking to become a writer of books and wants to pay for my classes in full.

It seems to good to be true to some people and I was a bit skeptical at first myself. Now I feel so very different. She is from a well to do family and it is the way she was raised, to support her husband and give him the best she has to give. I chose to remain on the site we met and I chose to pay for the credits to chat with her so she is not forcing me to do this and said numerous times that we can write emails and chat a bit less to save me money!

So my question is am I lucky to find a needle in the haystack or is this truly to good to be true? She has never asked me for a thing and is more likely to ask me to spend less money if it means being happy for us. She is paying for our wedding and she is buying the wedding rings even after I told her I was happy to do so. I am feeling I found a sweet angel in my fiancee and have never been so loved in my life. Tell me what you think please!

Bob's Comment:

Wow, that is an interesting case, but I can see how the "too good to be true" question might come to mind.

I'll start with the bright side of my thinking here... You don't have anything to lose by just going along! If she ends up showing up, paying for everything, including SUPPORTING YOU in your pursuits, then you just may be the lottery winner of the day. It can happen, and you have nothing to lose by believing in it until the trap snaps (if that is the outcome).

But this DOES seem too good to be true, at least given the picture developing in my mind based on the information included in your post (more information could tilt my opinion one way or another).

I see several specific "bugs" in this story that create suspicion a bit beyond just the "too good to be true" problem. And they may just be your reporting of the story, but here goes:

First, it seems VERY strange that she does not want you to visit her in her country and meet her family first. Possible, but strange. VERY STRANGE! Why wouldn't she want you to visit her in her country and meet her parents, family, and friends? Actually, it's even sillier... why wouldn't she want you to visit her in her country to MEET HER? Maybe there are innocent answers, but short of those answers this is weird.

Second, she's too "serious" given that you haven't even yet met in person. She's planning future things like finding your "home" together, planning wedding things, planning business, all before your first face-to-face (specifically 3D face-to-face).

Third, this whole insistence on her part that she pay for EVERYTHING, even rings, wedding, business, your further education, etc., even when you offer to contribute... Is she Bill Gates' daughter?

Fourth, what are the visa arrangements? She CAN'T visit you here first unless she already has a tourist visa. And this "CR-1" - is that your report or hers? The spousal visa is the K-3, and for THAT visa you need to be married already. The K-1 (Fiancee) visa allows your fiancee to enter the country and stay for up to three months before marrying you or returning home, but that visa requires that you have met IN PERSON (3D :), can prove it with tons of pictures and receipts, and are already planning to marry. So if she doesn't have a tourist visa already, I would be much more suspicious.

Question: Why not take her up on the free means of communication (Skype, direct email)? I don't get that.

In every case I have experienced or heard about where there was all this "she hasn't asked for anything" and "she agreed to pay for her trip" kind of talk, it ends up that at the last minute -- the week, day, or even hours before her flight -- she encounters some insurmountable cash flow crisis and needs an immediate emergency cash transfer... "John, I can't believe this happened, but because of some political thing related to the Ukraine/Russia conflict the bank has seized my family's funds and I can't pay for my airplane ticket... My family's lawyers say that it will be solved soon, but I need to pay for the ticket now... can you wire me the money and I'll pay you back as soon as this all gets worked out?..."

Sadly my bet is on something like that happening. Hopefully I'm wrong. Feel free to add a comment to this post (click "Add Comment") with any more information if you wish and I'll post answers below it.

Good luck!

Comments for I believe my Ukrainian fiancee is true, but need some advice

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More details Bob!
by: Anonymous

I just wanted to give you the start of my story at first! Now the meat and potatoes!

I asked her why she wanted to come here to meet and not in the Ukraine! Her answer was sweet! She said she wants to meet my family and get to know me as a part of it first and then bring me to meet her family after our wedding! I do know about the visa and the agency made a mistake when they told me which one was the spousal visa!

She is coming for three weeks starting the 25th of July! We are getting married on the 5th of August! I know, I know, we have not even met face to face yet!

Bob I took all this into consideration and we fell so deeply in love in the last 17 months we have been online! We spend no less than 5 or 6 hours chatting every night and more to the tune of 7! We talk about everything together and we are so very much alike in every way! Her wanting to pay for everything was a bit troublesome for me at first, but her reasoning is that she is very well off and can do this so I can keep my money to pay my expenses!

She offered to pay for the rest of my schooling so I can begin concentrating those finances on publishing companies for my books! We have discussed all those serious issues of businesses, weddings and her paying for it all as she has way more capital to do so than I ever will! No not Bill Gates' daughter but very close in fact! She wants an American husband as she was planning to move here anyways! She was planning to open a business here in time so as this was her plan to begin with she just wants to pay for it! She is coming on a tourist visa and has already obtained it many months ago.

Her ticket(round trip) is already paid for as is the hotel we both will stay at! I do not have a very appropriate place for a lady to stay! This is why she also suggested finding a home right away so when she goes back after her visit I will have a very nice home! A home she will soon be coming to stay in permanently. She plans on paying the mortgage on this home for a full year and this way I do not have to worry about rent waiting for her return! As for her paying for the rings she said she wants to do something way out of the ordinary as per American customs!

She is not a feminist by any means but thinks a woman should also have the right to propose and buy the rings. Kind of cute I think! Which is my next point! She is way beyond gorgeous and thinks she is an average looking woman! NOT!!! I am 50 and she is going to be 27, but is way more mature and so very smart and educated! She knows exactly what she wants and has set her goals on our achieving our happiness together.

Bob she simply wants to love and be loved so deeply! She has no children and has never been married! If we did not spend every single night for the last 17 months chatting for so many hours I would feel a bit more skeptical about the to good to be true aspect! I feel so deeply I found a woman who knows what she wants and is willing to make me happy by paying for so much of it all! I do not doubt her in any way and know she is sincere in all she promises! Hope this gives you a little better understanding of her and our future! Look forward to hearing from you Bob! Thanks so much for helping men like me with a bride from the Ukraine! I see a very wonderful future indeed with my wife to be!

[Bob's reply in subsequent comment...]
Answer...
by: Bob

Well, the one detail you add here that does affect the scene is the 17 months of 4-7 hours/day chatting EVERY DAY... As long as you're a relatively reasonable, rational, attentive guy with a modicum of common sense I would think that with that kind of direct communication volume you should have detected any fishy elements to her story.

But the gorgeous/27 vs 50ish/average adds weight to the other side of the scales.

Just one other interesting question: If she's that beautiful and RICH, surely she shows up in Google searches on her name, right?

But hey, my primary "action point" in my first reply stands: You have nothing to lose (and apparently everything to gain). If it turns out that this is actually the winning lottery ticket, awesome. If you get that call 3 days before her flight with the emergency money crisis, well, you're now armed with knowledge of that possibility.

Perhaps a good way to thank me would be to introduce me to her beautiful co-heiress sister ;)
Thanks but her sister is only 15.
by: Anonymous

I know everything seems to be very strange and to have such a staggeringly beautiful woman with money want to marry and support me was so hard to fathom.

Yes she is just as she appears on cam when I Googled her. She is the same on her VK page as well. All is great for us and I just wanted a little outside opinion as to if hitting the lottery was possible!

Thanks for your input and you gave me the assurance all is possible and know what could possibly go wrong. As it is her ticket and room are already set I do not see much going wrong. Oh and we do write emails constantly and we both have Viber accounts to call as we wish.

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