I have two questions: age difference and avoiding scammers/liars.
by Chanahan
(Dallas, TX USA)
I am 51 years old and in very good shape and people guess that I am about 40. Its due to genes (my dad looked very young) and clean living (no drugs ever, no smoking ever, and not much alcohol). I was married for 24 years (got married young), but am widowed now. My children are adults and out of the house. I have a high education (undergraduate degree, Ivy League MBA) and have (and do) travel extensively for business. I earn a high income (~$500K per year) and therefore have enough assets to pursue someone pretty much anywhere and am financially secure. I am very family oriented and that is one reason why I would consider a woman from Ukraine as they are very family oriented. I have no problem with a woman who has or even wants children.
The age question: While I do not want to pursue a woman in her 20s or even early/mid 30s, is it OK to pursue a woman in her late 30s given my age? I tend to have the energy and physical activity of someone much younger than myself. I do not want a party girl.
The scammer question: I have read about people getting scammed and would not fall for the "I need money for my father who is in the hospital" line, but I am concerned that some women are looking only for financial security and I could find myself falling for a good "actress" and waste 6 months and a lot of money to find out. I don't want to be a target simply because of my income and assets. How can I best avoid getting scammed?
Bob's Comment:
Funny, the answer to the age question has some overlap with the income/scam question :) If you have enough money and can provide a good enough life, then they don't care as much about age. Obviously.
But seriously, at 51, good shape, and let's just say "financially secure", aiming for a woman in her late 30s is extremely realistic and reasonable. And the best reason for not looking for someone under 30 isn't so much because of the age DIFFERENCE, but just the age PERIOD. Women under 30, especially those without children already, are more likely to have extremely idealistic views of life. Just my opinion.
The tour director of the only AFA tour I ever took was 50, but very "young-ish", energetic, and charismatic. He dated and married a 25 year old Russian lady who already had a daughter. Last time I spoke with them they were still together and very happy. He did have a bit of an unfair advantage though in that he WORKED IN RUSSIA for the same company (AFA) as the girl did, so they were able to spend a lot more time together in very natural circumstances to get to know each other.
Scammer Question: It's a valid concern, and I'm aware of at least one such story (Russian supermodel-like woman marries American accountant, gets pregnant, threatens to abort the baby if he doesn't buy her a much more expensive house!).
Since my income isn't really at the level that makes me a big target I can only speculate as to a good approach to the problem. But I have thought about this before and think there's a pretty simple solution. DON'T LET THEM KNOW ABOUT YOUR WEALTH/INCOME/STANDARD OF LIVING, at least not in the beginning.
DOWNPLAY your wealth and income. Act, live, talk, and present yourself like a guy who earns $80K-$100K... Don't talk about having the means and freedom to travel often. When you visit there stay in mid or lower-budget lodging, don't buy expensive gifts, think of ways of explaining what you do that don't make it real clear that you earn a lot, etc., etc., etc.
If a girl doesn't know you have income and wealth worthy of the acting job, then it seems logical that there would be a lower risk of her having ulterior motives.
You don't have to directly lie, just downplay, be ambiguous.
If I ever came across a winning $170 million Powerball ticket I think that's how I'd handle it :)
Oh, you might want to consider strategies for protecting your assets in the sad event that things do go bad.
I hope that helps!
If you have any follow up questions/comments to this, please just add a comment to this post and I'll answer (if needed).