Is a Slovakian lady who wants expensive presents genuine ?

by Kevin
(United Kingdom)

Hi. I am 61 years old, and have been divorced for 2.5 years. After discovering that English ladies that I was meeting do not appear to want to commit to a relationship, I decided that I would try to find an Eastern European wife. I made the mistake of first joining a PPL site, and met a Ukrainian lady who I thought was the love of my life. After spending 3 separate weekends with her in her city, and being taken on very expensive shopping trips on each occasion, but getting no more than a peck on the cheek in terms of a proper relationship, I saw the light and stopped seeing this lady.

I was beginning to despair of finding somebody, but I then came across your site, which answered a lot of questions, and I joined the site Russian Ukrainian Women, where the ladies certainly do seem to be genuine. I met someone on this site, but unfortunately there were problems with obtaining a Visa for this lady to settle in the UK, so I joined a matchmaker site that only deals with Czech or Slovakian ladies - this has the advantage that currently neither of these nationalities require a Visa in order to settle in the UK

Which brings me to my current predicament. At the start of December, I met a lady in Bratislava, and had 2 very pleasant dates with her. We agreed to talk after I got home, with a view to spending a long weekend in Vienna together. I must admit that I thought we would be talking on Skype, but our communication has been mostly via messages on Viber, with the occasional short phone call. Just before Xmas she sent me a message saying that she had been looking for a long time for a man who would love her and pamper her, and sent me some details of some very expensive shoes and handbags that she likes. I would mention at this stage that she is 47 years old, has her own business and drives a very expensive car - and buys expensive shoes and handbags for herself. So I bought her some gifts, and we met in January in Vienna where we had a very nice time together, I met her sister, who lives and works in Vienna, but she also took me shopping and again I spent a lot of money on gifts - so far I have spent about £4,000 on gifts, without taking into account meals and hotels, etc.

She is now coming to the UK to stay with me for a week, but she has sent me details of a handbag that she would like for a Valentines present - it costs £1,700 !!!

So I really don't know whether she is genuine or not. She is affectionate when we are together, but there are some days when I do not get any messages at all from her (I will send her several messages each day). And when I query this, she will tell me that she was tired from work and went to bed early.

I know that no one can make a decision for me, but I would be grateful for your opinion.

Kevin


Bob's Answer:

Hi Kevin

This is definitely a different "genuine or not" question than I usually get :) More often men say they are in touch with a girl who claims to not have Skype, internet, or a mobile phone, etc. and want to know if she is "real".

Your girl is "real"... You've seen her and spent time together.

I also don't know the culture of those countries as well as I know further East.

Knowing that she is "older" herself (i.e. not under 30-35) and provides well for herself does make it difficult to just label her a "gold digger" outright. "Gold digger" usually applies more to someone who seeks a man for material benefit, but usually it's a girl who DOES NOT provide those material benefits for herself. She's more of a vampire sucking the life out of you.

And the lack of more frequent contact - that could just be the more mature approach. If she's busy and successful, I'm guessing she's going to be less eager to spend a lot of time on Skype and would rather meet in person.

Now that I've said that.... Genuine or not, personally I would think it comes down to whether you can AFFORD HER, and then, if yes, IS IT WORTH IT?

In my personal value system she wouldn't be worth it. I mean seriously... £4,000 in gifts and looking for another £1,700?

This is part of the appeal of going further east: Girls there can be more down-to-earth.

Why did the other girl have trouble getting a visa to the U.K.? When you say the other girl had trouble getting a visa to "settle" in U.K., what does that mean?

Most countries - and I would think UK would be among them - give very high priority to immigrants on the basis of marriage. She might not be able to get a TOURIST visa to just visit for extended period, but I would think a fiancee visa (or the UK equivalent) would be a sure thing.

Comments for Is a Slovakian lady who wants expensive presents genuine ?

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Is This What You Want?
by: Henry

I wanted to add my comments here. I think it is important to know if you are accepting of the fact that she is outwardly asking you for money.

I have dealt with quite a few women in the FSU countries and almost never do they ask for anything. And many of these are younger women who are not established in life and are struggling financially and still they never ask me for a penny. In fact, some of them talk about other girls that do ask for money and say that it is horrible.

Now I have another question for you. And it is a very important one. Are you having sex with this woman? If so is it often and is she freely available to you for sex? Be honest we are all anonymous here.

This is critical. If the answer is no to these questions then you have a problem on your hands. And you deserve better and you can get it.

I have seen many beautiful women much younger and willing to meet men 60 or 65. But that brings into question another issue.

What is your appearance? Now I am not saying looks are the only thing but if you want to be with a beautiful educated younger woman then you need to bring something to the table. Remember love is never unconditional except for maybe your children or your dog.

On appearance, you should be honest with yourself and look hard in the mirror. Are you overweight? Do you work out? Do you eat right and are you active? Do you dress appropriately? If not then that is going to limit your chances. And then the money starts to come into play as the only thing you offer of value.

These are hard realities but you have to decide is this what you want. Obviously, you are writing because this bothers you. That is your first indication that something is wrong. Listen to your own instincts and understand what you want and what you will accept.

I would love to hear your answers and discuss further.

Henry
Slovakian Lady asking for expensive presents
by: Kevin

Hi Henry many thanks for your comments.

If I can answer your last questions about myself before I go any further, I look at least 10 years younger than my age, and I am told that I am a good looking man - I have a good head of hair, all my own teeth, I am in excellent health and I dress well, so at the moment I do not need to put a paper bag on my head when I venture out!!!!

My Slovakian lady came to the UK a couple of months ago. She was affectionate and tactile, good company, and yes, we did have sex together, and she was an enthusiastic lover! She was everything that I was looking for, except..... she continued to expect me to buy her expensive dresses, shoes, etc.

One evening we were talking, and I asked her about her expectations re finances and lifestyle, etc. She has her own apparently very successful property development business in Slovakia, and she told me that she wanted to pass that over to her son and walk away from it, so that she no longer had the stress of running her own business, but that she wanted to maintain her level of income (i.e. my wallet had to fund her) I asked her the question, how much a year does she spend on clothes, food, holidays, etc - what was her disposable income. She told me €100,000 ! Now I am certainly not a poor man, but neither am I a millionaire, who can afford to fund this sort of expense, as well as paying for my own life style.

So after she returned home, I wrote to her, telling her that although I was very found of her (and I was) I just could not afford her on that basis. After about a week she wrote back to me, telling me how upset she was that I had finished our relationship, as she was planning her future with me. I wrote back, telling her that I was not ending things, and if she could compromise on her financial expectations, we could have a future together. I have not heard from her, and that was 6 weeks ago.

So I am back on the Russian Ukrainian Women website, that as per other comments I can thoroughly recommend as having a lot of very genuine ladies listed, although I could not agree totally with Henry's comments about never having been asked for money from other ladies. I think there is a sizeable number of women in FSU who do see all Western men as being incredibly wealthy, and just walking wallets. But as others have said before, trust your judgement and gut feeling, and if someone appears too good to be true, she probably is!
RE: Slovakian Lady asking for expensive presents
by: Bob (Site Owner)

"...I could not agree totally with Henry's comments about never having been asked for money from other ladies. I think there is a sizeable number of women in FSU who do see all Western men as being incredibly wealthy, and just walking wallets. But as others have said before, trust your judgement and gut feeling, and if someone appears too good to be true, she probably is!"

There's only one variable in this quote that I must address, "sizable number". Is that 5%? 50%? 95%?

At Cynical Men I address many thoughts in this area.

I'd be interested to hear anyone's thoughts on that.

But for now... It sounds like you (Kevin) handled this perfectly, just being clear about your thoughts. Quite bluntly you just said "I can't afford you..."

Geez, at €100,000/year on practically ENTERTAINMENT who COULD afford her?

I mean really... In the U.S. doctors are typically in the upper echelon of income earners typically pulling down $250K-$500K per year. But they often have very expensive cars, very expensive houses, and pay a LOT of taxes.

I would dare say that very few doctors would have enough disposable income to support this lady's lifestyle.
Way To Go
by: Henry

Kevin,

I think you did the right thing. You put your foot down and she backed off. That is fine.

You never know she may try to reconnect with you later. These women respect a firm hand. And resolve. But honestly, I think she is doing you a favor by not contacting you.

As you said there are tons of sincere decent girls to pick from. Why should you have to spend $1700 for a handbag? My god $1700 for a handbag! That's ridiculous. For a little bit of sex. No sex is worth that. lol

So I say way to go and keep at it. Dating anywhere and anytime is a crap shoot. With lots of ups and downs. You will do well. But do not show weakness at all.

One of the girls I am corresponding with right now is in terrible shape financially, and she never asks for a penny. I even feel sorry for her and want to help a little. But I will not do anything until after I meet her.

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