Is Online Dating Ukraine a scam?

by Eddie
(Houston, Texas)

Hello. Your advice is great and I appreciate this web page.

Some of it may be bad news for me though. Without ever reading your page I was glad that I saw that I had followed most of the advice.

Let me tell you my background. I am 54 and have been divorced for two years. I've been told that I am good looking. I have all of my hair and I am in very good shape. I own my own my own company for over 25 years. I have raised three great kids but I am interested in having more. I do not have any problem getting dates here in the U.S.

What I am looking for is someone at least 30 that does not have children. I want her to be attractive and appear to have a very good heart and good values. That is why chose Ukraine for my search.

I came across the site called Online Dating Ukraine. It is a pay for letter site. I have corresponded with several women but have narrowed my choices to 4. This site requires that you exchange 15 letters before they will send contact information. The cost of these letters are from $5 to $20. I was skeptical and so I asked some very, what I thought were, some good questions and they answered them satisfactorily. I also asked the girls specific questions that anyone else would not know and got consistent answers.

The money that I have spent isn't really the real issue. It is less than what I would have spent on just a few first dates. I've spent a few hundred dollars and talked to up to a hundred women. It is more of a time issue.

The ones that I am interested in more than others. I have met the criteria on three and almost met it on the fourth. The one that I have met the criteria on we have exchanged a few emails and everything seems fine. She has not asked for anything and I have even offered to send her a phone and she has not replied to that.

My question is it for sure that this site is a scam? I am planning on going there in October to see one of them. What would you do?

Thanks, Eddie

Bob's Comment:

Thanks for the compliment.

"Scam" is such a fluid word, but applying a very broad definition, yes, to me it looks like a scam site. Is it for SURE? No, not very much is that sure.

I have never heard of this site, but think about it... in order to obtain a woman's direct contact information you need to pay at least $75 ($5 per letter (minimum) x 15 letters). And when they send this contact information, what exactly is included? Many men report in these question/answer/advice pages that on other sites where contact info is eventually provided, often multiple women provide the same phone number, and no one ever answers calls to those numbers.

And I'm not sure what you mean when you say "I asked some very some good questions and they answered them satisfactorily. I also asked the girls specific questions that anyone else would not know and got consistent answers..."

Maybe you're thinking of a different kind of scam, like the ones I describe at Russian Scammers: Email Scams where they rarely ever even read or directly interact with your messages, but rather just have a sequence of pre-written letters.

Usually in pay-per-letter operations the problem is one of two things, (1) the agency representative is writing on behalf of the women (with or without their knowledge or consent) OR (2) the woman/women are paid to write you.

In either case the answers would be consistent and satisfactory. Why wouldn't they be? Someone reads your messages and truly interact. There is a real person on the other end of the exchange paying attention to the communication.

And in cases where the agency stays between you and the woman in this way, it can end in one of two ways...

  1. When you start discussing a trip the girl will lose interest, will be out of town during the time of you planned trip, will have met someone else and be unable to spend time with you, etc.

    This is because the girl isn't REALLY interested, but rather she's just playing along because the agency shares letter writing fees with her, OR the agency rep is the one doing the writing on behalf of the woman and your visit would blow up the whole facade.

    This is the outcome if you're LUCKY.

  2. The other option is that the girl does entertain your visit... Then it goes kind of like the story described by another reader of my site at My Experience With Anastasia Date. You are using a different site, but all the same tricks can be used.

And to address something else you mention, that the money isn't the issue, but the time... Yes, good point. But let me add something else... It's also the emotional energy, and opportunity cost. What I mean is that you're spending all this time, effort, and money doing something that you believe is serious and authentic, but is probably not. In the end when you discover it is not authentic, you're more cynical and skeptical when you encounter the next girl who happens to be real and then you start putting her through all kinds of tests.

Sheesh, I guess that answer is a lot more than "What would I do?" :)

Personally, I would quit using pay-per-letter sites immediately. The chances that you'll make an authentic connection there are so slim as to not be worth the time.

If you're too invested to take that approach, read Avoiding Russian Women Scams at least 10 times (you can start at the sub-head "Follow the Money"), then plan your trip using the advice on that page. Most likely the agency representing the woman/women you're visiting will give you all kinds of crazy push-back, but that would prove the collusion.

Then, and this is an absolutely indispensable part of this plan, HAVE A BACKUP PLAN! If you trip is to Kiev, that backup plan is pretty easy:

Actually, the back-up plan fits perfectly with the main plan... Plan your accommodations through Daisy Bride. They are a legitimate, honest agency, but they also offer a la cart services of apartments, translators/guides, airport shuttle, etc. And, if you look at their site before your trip and make a list of girls you might want to meet if your Plan A blows up, you can quickly transition a failed trip to a success.

Hope that helps!

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