Middle Aged Russian Woman

by Dan


I'm 49 and divorced 2.5 years. In addition to dating locally, I have extended my e-Harmony search to Russia. I dated a beautiful Russian immigrant (U.S. citizen 10 years) woman for over two years after my divorce and found her to be incredibly caring, intelligent, and responsible. We are still great friends but have different paths in life. With this said, I realize these are personal qualities and not necessarily translatable to Russian women in general. I speak a little Russian and know of the culture but have not been there.

So, I was approached by a 46 year old woman from central Russia. She is educated and gainfully employed and do not doubt this. We chat every day and I am the one who is typically too busy to video Skype more often. She sends photos of friends and family. Her sister and family live in Missouri and I have verified this. She has been to U.S. a few times. She has a grown child and mother who live near her.

I do not expect that this is a scam or she would need me to fund a trip to the U.S. I have not seen any red-flags and have verified email, IP, Geo-tagging of photos, etc..

My question: If not for money, have Russian women used American men to marry just to become U.S. citizens and then bail? I am sure this happens, do you have any pointers on what to watch for? I do not feel I am being played, and at this point I'm still somewhat ambivalent about the future of this relationship. She has all of the qualities (from afar) I look for in a relationship with an American woman...although I seem to have trouble finding these qualities in American women. Hoping to continue...but being cautious.

Thank you for this awesome website!

Bob's Answer:

Thanks for your compliments!

Yes, as you suspect, foreigners do marry for the citizenship then bail. There are cynical people out there who would claim this is the primary reason Russian/Ukrainian women marry Americans/Westerners, but I'm obviously not in that camp.

I don't have a rigid list of things to look for to determine if a woman is into it for the citizenship, but I'll shoot from the hip.

First, I would be much more concerned in the case of a much younger woman - under 30 or so.

Second, COMMON SENSE. Recent life events (unrelated to romantic relationships) have hammered home in a much more vivid way the reality that when things don't "add up", there's a reason. It's that feeling that "something just isn't right", "gut", etc. That's your "compass" saying you're over the Bermuda Triangle :)

But I advise caution here because some men have a broken compass and EVERYTHING triggers an alert. For others NOTHING triggers an alert. But you write like someone whose compass accuracy falls inside the bell-shaped curve. So when you talk to her and when you spend time with her in person, does she SEEM SINCERE?

That's about all can think of for the moment.

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by: Anonymous

If you get serious with her how much time can you spend in Russia?

In two days I fly to Russia for fourth time this year. A K1 (Fiancee Visa) gives you time if you get into that and then see deal breakers.

I'd relax and pro con what the whole thing plays out to start to finish first; If you haven't.

Ask yourself this: What does she contribute to the relationship? Russia is in crisis on economics. Many Russian professionals can't easily bring that into U.S. Not being about money either. Self worth, depression for her latter?

And do you want this first? Really want it? It's not easy. Sorry I'm not certain I get how committed you are respectfully. Yes, it's a risk. Then, all women are a risk.

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