No hope for me ever having a Russian wife and kids

by Paul
(NY)

I was recently in communication with a Russian woman. Everything was going well until she asked me "what's wrong with the girls where you live that you have to come on here to meet girls?" I was so discouraged by this. What was I supposed to say. I love Russian women and there are tons where I live but none of them seem to like me. I'm very good looking. I don't know what's wrong with me. Please help me.

Bob's Answer:

*** I edited your question a little for clarification. Hopefully this is what you meant. ***

Ah, the good old "Why go to Russia to find a woman instead of just finding one locally?" question... almost ALL Russian/Ukrainian women ask that! No need to be discouraged.

GENERALLY SPEAKING, single, family-minded, faithful, employed, non-alcoholic men in Russia/Ukraine are in extremely scarce supply and are snatched up in an instant. Many Russian/Ukrainian women assume it's like that everywhere, so they assume an American man who can't find a wife locally must be defective.

They just don't realize that here our situation is a little bit the opposite, and that it's the suitable women who are in short supply.

So, whenever I get that question I typically answer with a question... "Sure Svetlana, I'll be happy to answer that, but to help me answer let me ask you a question first if you don't mind... Why are you seeking a foreign husband?"

Her answer is almost always going to be something like "I can't find a suitable husband here... the men are lazy, they're alcoholics, they sleep around... they're just not serious about family, blah, blah, blah..."

By letting her answer first it puts her a little more in the mindset to understand that you're both really in the same situation... that you both seek a foreign spouse because of the shortage of good local prospects, NOT because there's anything wrong with either of you.

So, after she gives her answer, which will almost always sound a lot like what I quote above, just say, "Well, that's really the same reason I seek a foreign woman... The local women here are ___, and ___, and they ___" (be careful that you don't fill in those blanks in a way that makes you come off as bitter and angry).

But you also say "I love Russian women and there are tons where I live but none of them seem to like me. I'm very good looking. I don't know what's wrong with me."

Without knowing you better it would be impossible for me to speculate as to the reason women don't seem to like you.

I have really enjoyed David DeAngelo's materials on dating, relationships, and personal growth. Sign up for his newsletters at Double Your Dating. I know the title sounds a little hokey, but he has a ton of great material. Do keep in mind, however, that not everything he says/teaches is 100% applicable with foreign women.

Hope that helps!