Not sure if its a set up - Part 2

by Vincent
(Philadelphia, PA)

About her being in cahoots with Anastasia Date. I didn't meet her thru Anastasia. She is on Anastasia Date but I met her on Cherry Blossoms. I have never communicated with her on Anastasia Date and she doesn't know I'm on there. All of our communication has been thru personal email. Can she lure me over as a free agent and still try to get a cut from hotel, restaurants and car service? I'm just trying to figure this out. Should I confront about her relationship with AD and if she disappears I'll have my answer. You have opened my eyes and been a huge help. Thanks Bob!!

V

Bob's Answer:

Thanks for your compliments!

The fact that you didn't meet or write her through Anastasia Date doesn't have any impact on my last answer. I'm not saying she IS in cahoots with them. I'm just telling you how things there CAN work. But if she IS in cahoots, then yes, she can still execute all the common on-the-ground scams even if you aren't using Anastasia Date's services. Even if she is NOT in cahoots with them she can still do these kinds of things.

"Confronting" her about any of these things is a lose-lose. If she is completely sincere about her intentions and has no profit motives at all, you WILL lose her if you confront her about her Anastasia Date affiliation! And ironically, if she IS a scammer and you confront her, she'll actually make an effort to placate your concerns and prove to you that her intentions are sincere. Odd, isn't it? If she tries to PROVE HERSELF, THAT proves she was fake.

The idea of meeting a girl online and getting to know her through correspondence, then making a trip to visit only her -- all which I call the "Correspondence Approach", the approach I most recommend at this point -- is predicated on laying a solid foundation of trust BEFORE planning a trip!

Let me give an example. I met a girl online and her very first reply to my initial message was "Hi, thanks for writing. You seem like a good and interesting man and I would like to get to know you better too. And the best way to do this is on Skype, WITH A WEBCAM. And you should be prepared to send many more pictures of yourself as I will be doing the same." SHE did the all-caps.

Her very first message already built a lot of trust by saying things completely consistent with what someone "serious" would say. Then we went on to speak on live Skype video 4-5 times a week for FOUR MONTHS. That amounted to at least 80 hours of face to face video conference time.

After two months of communication (after probably 40 hours of face to face video time) I started planning a trip (when she started telling me we needed to start talking about a visit), and two months after that I was there (4 months total).

Now, back to that "If she tries to PROVE HERSELF, THAT proves she was fake" thing I said above... Had after all this time in face-to-face video calls I started doing and saying things that implied I didn't trust her, and especially if I were to do/say things that implied I required some kind of proof on her part, I would have never heard from her again.

Can you see how I was able to go there with absolutely not one shred of concern?

You haven't even had one voice conversation with this girl. Until you do that, any trip planning is premature.

As I see it here's what you should do:

1) If you still haven't asked for her phone number, DO THAT TODAY. If she gives you her number and speaks with you, it doesn't prove she isn't a scammer. But if she refuses or gives you any excuses, then you know what all this is and you can quit wasting time and mental energy right away. Problem solved :-) Then you can start fresh the right way.

2) But if she "passes" step 1, plan a trip, but make all your own arrangements.

YOU arrange for the translator if she needs it. Arrange for your own transportation to her city. Arrange for your own lodging. Find someone who can give you advice about where to go on dates, where to find flowers, etc.

Tell your girl you can visit August 1 through August 7 (put your own dates here, these are just examples) and have made all your own arrangements... "No worries, I didn't want to bother you with all that..."

The real trick in all this is communicating your plan to visit in a way that doesn't make it sound like you doubt her honesty.

3) The option I previously mentioned of meeting her in Kiev is the same as above, but has some advantages and disadvantages.

On the downside you will need to pay for her transportation and lodging in Kiev. That's some extra cash, but then you save on your transportation to Donetsk.

But on the upside, you know you have a good, honest agency that you can use there (Daisy Bride).

AND it really IS a great city to visit with many attractions.

AND in the unfortunate event that your girl doesn't show, or doesn't work out, then you're STRANDED... in the city with a higher concentration of beautiful women than any other city in the world. If you're going to be stranded, there are worse places to do it :-)

And some of those "Most Beautiful Women" are probably clients of Daisy Bride, so when you start using those "Unlimited Introductions", well, life could be a lot worse.