Russian girl connection via Match plus general questions

by Randy
(Kentucky)

Hi Bob

I came to your site by a very convoluted way but really glad I got here. Been reading nearly everything on here! Great straight forward info, excellent site.

I was contacted by this girl through Match, exactly like another guy on here. She immediately wanted to talk off site. Said she used the profile of an acquaintance of hers as she could not directly use Match from Russia.

I've been cautiously talking to her for almost 3 weeks,never giving up much info about me. She says she's 29 & has sent a bunch of pics. They are varied and show different places/times. I give her a rating of 6-8 as not every picture shows her at her best. She lives in Novokuzneck & works there as well (sociologist) but is from Jurga. She sends emails every day telling me about what happened with her work and asking about my day.

In an early email she said that if I was only going to talk to her for entertainment then she didn't want any further discourse. Her English isn't bad (says she learned it at university). I can understand about 90% no problem. There has been absolutely no talk of money thus far, just of family, values, fidelity.

She says her father disappeared in Afghanistan in 87 (career army officer). She talks of not having work in her field after finishing university so she had to leave her mother in Jurga & go back to Novokuzneck to get a job. Once early on she sent the same email twice in a row & didn't answer my questions. In the next email she said she was testing my character to see if I got angry and apologized profoundly & said she'd answer any questions I had.

I've been pretty tough on her as I was fully expecting some kind of scam. I asked her why she wasn't looking for a guy near her. She said most Russian men were nasty, drank too much, and had too much "idle" time.

She has said she has been contacted by guys asking for naked pics of her which she says no decent guy would do but it's obvious she's contacted others (she said someone even called her a robot).

BTW, I've been on Match, Mingle, Be Naughty, Express, and Meet Locals for a month or so with virtually nothing but scams, ghost profiles, winks, etc. It's been a big waste of time & money. This is my first time doing the online thing & did I ever get an eye opener! I'm just going to ride this out with "Olga" & see where it goes. More too it than this but I've already written half a book, just wanted to get your thoughts on this? Also going to put some thoughts/questions here as well.

First, I never use anything but a prepaid CC/gift card to pay for any of these sites,I set up an email just for handling the dating things.

Is it easier to deal with things as far as ladies go in the Ukraine vs Russia?

Does the political atmosphere over there hinder the meeting/courting process(Russia/Ukraine conflict) these days?

I've been separated for about 10 mos, how should I handle that when it's time & will it matter to these ladies?

How likely is it that a potential match is an alcoholic/excessive drinker since I know the men are notorious for this?

I've heard that some women, particularly in the east, may be "ladies of the night". Is this a valid concern when looking?

I've rambled enough for now, any input to the above would be greatly appreciated!


Bob's Answers:

You came to this site much the same way I did :) Well, that requires a little explanation... basically a Match experience put me in touch with a Russian girl (who in my case was a scammer), but my examination into the whole "Russian thing" during that intrigued me so much that I continued seeking only Russian/Ukrainian women, and that experience ultimately lead to this site.

Although some of the things you've mentioned about "Olga" are very plausible (the men are alcoholics, etc.), I think this is very likely going to end with "Oh Randy, you have become so important in my life. I have a friend in the travel agency who can get me a visa to visit your country. Don't worry, I will pay for it myself with my parents' pension, but need to know if you want to see me too, or are you just playing games with me?...."

The whole "I'll pay for myself" in this scenario is just the newly devised scammer strategy designed to avoid triggering your scam alert. But if you proceed, immediately before the alleged day of travel she will encounter an immediate cash-flow crisis and will need you to wire her the money to pay the balance of the ticket, or something like that.

If you've read much of my site, especially the "Scams" sections, the answer to this should already be obvious... If you really want to take the chance that it is all "real", do this:

1) Suggest Skype video meetings. You didn't mention anything about having done that already... I assume all your communication so far is via email. But Skype video meetings weed out the vast majority of these Match/Email scammers. They'll make excuses why they can't/won't meet on Skype video.

2) If she passes the Skype test, suggest meeting her in her city. If she refuses for any reason, she's probably a scammer. Any "real" Russian woman sincere about finding a man will WANT the first meeting to be in her city.

3) If she doesn't resist the suggestion of meeting in her city and you really want to pursue it further, plan a trip to see her, but YOU arrange all your own travel and lodging. If she resists the suggestion, she's a scammer.


Other Comments/Answers:

- Good call on using prepaid cards, special email address, etc., in these online pursuits, but most of the sites I review positively utilize legitimate payment processors. Personally I use my normal credit card and have had no problems.

- Ukraine vs Russia... Not really much difference as far as finding/seeking a wife from that part of the world. Don't tell THEM that... they think Russia vs Ukraine is night vs day. But seriously, you could visit five Russian cities and five Ukrainian cities and not be able to tell them apart. There is more difference between bigger city girls vs smaller city/country girls (same difference as here, on average a girl from Kansas will be more easy-going, down-to-earth than a girl from NYC).

- Political atmosphere/Russia/Ukraine conflict... I don't think so. Personally I'm still a little concerned about any travel to Donetsk, Ukraine or Crimea, but outside of that I doubt there is any difference.

- Separated men... any SERIOUS woman there will think of you being only separated (instead of fully divorced) the same way a serious local woman would. I think most would prefer that you be fully divorced first.

- The vast majority of the alcohol problem in Russia/Ukraine is with the men. It's one of the biggest reasons their women seek foreign men. I'm sure there are female Russian/Ukrainian alcoholics, but far fewer.

- "Ladies of the night"... Not much of a concern with Russian/Ukrainian women if you pursue it correctly (i.e. follow guidance on my site :) If you use a reputable site (see my reviews) and follow common sense, your chances of encountering a prostitute (unknowingly :) are slim. Having said that, you COULD encounter them, but they are easy to spot with any common sense. As a matter of fact, many years ago I wrote to a woman in Kiev who replied explaining that she was an "escort" and would be happy to be of service if I visited. But again, easy to spot (especially when they confess in their first message).

I hope this helps!