Safety during the first real world meeting

by Francesco
(Italy)

Hello! I'm not in connection with any Russian woman at the moment, but I'd be curious to know some advice about how to guarantee (as much as possible) each other safety when we will decide to meet for the first time in my country (more likely) or in her country. I had the experience to date a Chinese girl and I met her for the first time in China and in that case I took a travel there with a group of tourists for a tour of Shanghai, I asked her to join the tour and she accepted it without problems (I decided this kind of solution so in case she would not show up or she could have some kind of criminal/no honest intention, I'd feel safer while being with other people of my own country).

I'd like to know if this kind of solution would be fine (in general) for a Russian girl too or she could feel (in general) offended because it could sound like a lack of trust?

Would you also suggest for me other possible meeting solutions that could be a good trade off between guarantee each other security without to risk to offend her?

Thanks for any answer and I find your website is full of very useful information ;-)

Bob's Answer:

Your question seems to be both ways... guaranteeing her safety visiting you in your country, and vice versa. You would be better able to answer about guaranteeing her safety while visiting your country, so I'll only address the you-visiting-Russia part of the question.

First, I must assume that for the most part you're addressing the question of safety from the perspective of scams since Russia/Ukraine aren't really "dangerous" places in general.

But as for visiting Russia/Ukraine to visit a lady you met online, most of my advice is at Avoiding Russian Women Scams and Russian Dating Scam: Marriage Agency Scams (See the part starting with the sub-heading "The Backup-Plan").

You could go on a group tour, but it will cost twice as much as a visit that your organize on your own, and if you do go on a group tour to meet one lady with whom you have already been in contact, SHE WILL BE OFFENDED. She won't be offended because she feels like you don't trust her, but because she'll assume you are coming to take part in the social end of the group tour.

But the anti-scam safety element to an individual tour to Ukraine or Russia is a lot simpler than people think, and very natural... FOLLOW THE MONEY! AND, CONTROL THE MONEY!

The NORMAL way to visit a Russian/Ukrainian woman (or any woman outside your own city, for that matter) would be to plan and pay for all your transportation to get there, look up a hotel or apartment in the city and make those arrangements on your own, then meet her to go out to lunch, dinner, walking around park, etc. Naturally there would be a few romantic gifts: Flowers, chocolates, etc. (that YOU find and buy).

As long as you do it that way, there's hardly any room for a scam.

It is not unusual that a girl might ask for you to pay for her taxi home at night. If it's more than $30-$40 USD, you might ask around if that's a normal taxi fare for her commute. If it's less, just pay it.

BUT BUT BUT... If she wants to help you arrange an apartment, WORRY. If she asks you to send cash in advance for an apartment, WORRY. If her language skills are not adequate for your communication and she wants to use "her regular interpreter" (that she's comfortable with), WORRY. If she doesn't actually live in the city where you will meet (possible if she lives in a very small city) and wants cash for her transportation and/or lodging, WORRY.

P.S. This meeting in a different city from her home is not unusual. For example, if she lives in a very small city in Ukraine there just won't be enough to do, so she might suggest Kiev or Odessa. But still NO CASH for her transport or lodging, and don't let her dictate the transport or lodging ("I have a taxi friend who can give us a great price...", "I have a friend in Kiev who rents apartments and will give us a great price...", etc.).

Just buy her a plane ticket, and get her a hotel room in the hotel where you're staying.