She wants me to come see her soon

by Fred

I met a Ukrainian girl through a free personals website. We exchanged e-mail addresses quickly. We have sent each other several photos but she says she does not have a PC at home and that she used the PC at work or an Internet cafe.

She has given me her phone number and I have spoken to her on the phone. Her English is not bad, so I will not need an interpreter.

From the beginning she asked me when I was going to the Ukraine. I said I did not know. She answered stroppy saying I was probably one of those men who just want to write forever and never even go to see her. I explained to her my situation and she kept being friendly. But she keeps asking me when I am going to see her.

I am trying to convince her that I am serious. I am thinking of sending her a present through a present service company, can you recommend one? She is in Nikolaev.

If I go to see her, I will do everything independently, I will not use an agency services.

I have mentioned to her the option that she might come to see me but that the visa would be difficult. She has not come back to ask me to bring her here.

My impression is that she is honest as she gets stroppy and even on the phone she tells me when she wants to end the conversation. I think a scammer will be a lot nicer.

Can you advise, is it worth sending her the present?

Bob's Answer:

Nothing in this story sounds scammy or even slightly suspicious to me (which is quite refreshing :-). I don't remember if I say this elsewhere on my site, but I think it's a really good idea for men to not even bother making connections with women online until they are in a situation where they can make a trip with less than 2-3 months notice.

After 1-2 months of emails/phone/skype/etc what more is there to talk about? Quite often I have met girls online and we both just ran out of things to say after three emails each way.

And many "real" Russian and Ukrainian women have learned that many men will write forever but will never ante up for airfare. It's a valid concern.

About the gift... Personally I'd advise putting the $100 or so that you would spend on the gift and put it in your travel savings :-)

I'm guessing that your "situation" that you explained to her has something to do with your inability to travel soon? Can you not plan just a long weekend (take off work Friday and Monday)? You guys in Europe have a big advantage over men in the U.S. For us a round trip to Kiev costs around $1200-$1500, takes a whole day, and puts us in a time zone 7-10 hours ahead. With all that overhead there's no way we can make a quick short visit on short notice.

But for men in Europe it's probably less than half the airfare, 1/4 the travel time, and one time zone. It's like if I traveled from Dallas to San Francisco.

If you're serious and you like her, GO...

But if you decide to send a gift, I recommend Service Network Flamingo.

I hope that helps! Good luck.

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She is getting cold
by: Fred

I am the original poster.

A new development, she is getting cold with me. She sent me a message, with an excuse, saying that she is not well and that she will only write to me every now and again for the next month. She said she will understand if I find a new girl. Of course I will end it if she asks for money 'for the doctor'.

However, I think the real reason is she still does not trust me to come and see her soon. She logged on in the introduction website again.

Should I pursue her, wait until she decides to make contact again or move on?

[Bob's Answer:]

Sorry for the delay. Sometimes the system I use for this site does not notify me when comments are posted :-( Your situation probably already resolved itself, but here's what I would have said...

Your guess regarding the reason for her absence sounds plausible to me. A scammer would not mind at all corresponding for a long time, and a scammer would be more inclined to want to visit you (though there are exceptions in the case of the agency scams where they bait you to come to their city so that they can soak you on other costs).

The solution: Contact her and ask if the weekend of ____ would be a good time for a visit, and if it is, GO. As I said in my first answer, you guys in Europe have it easy! If I lived there I'd be in Ukraine for at least one 4-day weekend every month!

If this relationship has run its course, here are the tips for the next one (this is mentioned elsewhere on my site):

1) Only contact women when you are able to travel to their city within the next three months.

2) Try as much as possible to limit your correspondence to women in or near larger cities with a fair number of good, honest agencies/services that can help you in the event that you need help getting other dates. I would list Kiev, Odessa, Moscow, and Saint Petersburg. The reason for this is that you can plan a trip with far less risk of coming away with nothing.

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