What about pictures with lots of stuff?

by Anonymous
(Florida)

Sometimes on the sites I see Russian women with all kinds of stuff surrounding them. Like huge stuffed animals, massive rose bouquets, and other even more pricey items.

I get the impression she is trying to tell me something with the photos. Like "this is what I expect in a relationship".

But they don't necessarily say anything. They just put out those fancy photos.

Or is this just a situation where I have to find out along the way?


Bob's Reply:

I don't really know if there is a truly definitive answer on this, but I do sometimes get the idea from a girl's pictures that she has expensive tastes and expectations.

I'm not sure that stuffed animals or bouquets would trigger my alarm, but probably pictures of expensive vacations, or pics of her sunning herself on the deck of a yacht with the Dubai skyline in the background would worry me.

But remember, sometimes tropical vacation pictures could be in Turkey or Egypt which aren't at all expensive for Russians/Ukrainians.

Comments for What about pictures with lots of stuff?

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Case by case
by: Mabk

I'd say take this case by case. Disclaimer; I'm not stereotyping.

If she wants gifts/expensive things you'll know by experience. But not by these photo's in my opinion. I don't think you should worry.

Remember that these are women that embrace being women. They're not worried about liberation of the sexes! And if you upset her she will tell you to get your own coffee; Even though for a week she has make every cup for you.

I've noticed the quite, illusive, femininity myself. One, she's just decorating her world, and exhibiting her taste.

And Like all women she wants you to pursue her! Mostly the photo's are not guideline/hints to the pursuit.

I have one opinion about the animals in the pics. Many women in Russia/Ukraine have a child like manner. This can get negative for some U.S. men. And some men like it/ it's case by case. If she's been alone, and you go to her country; Meet her and your happy together. Once you fly back to the U.S. she may pour on the pressure, wanting you back with her very soon.

Don't put up more than you can keep up. Consider this before your first meet. Don't go meet her and afterwards tell her you need 2-3 months to return. Make sure she will understand this and work with you, if you want, or need her too? Otherwise you may even feel you could or do love her, and yet be blowing every penny you put into meeting her.

Lastly it's likely Russian/Ukrainian female prestige. There are slang terms in Russia. The terms sound bad to U.S. men, but once we understand it's not bad. My fiancé was hit on by a married well off Russian man. She showed her rings, he did not care. So; She said, "You Can Not Afford Me". Sounds like she is a prostitute. In Russia it means "Your standards are so low you can't even see first base".

So she is likely just showing her good things in the photo's. But not to upsell her desired status. Rather to embrace her right to life as a Woman!

I hope this is insightful,

Mabk
Very Helpful
by: Anonymous

Mabk,

Thanks for the words of wisdom. I found this very insightful. It puts a lot of things in perspective. The few Russian women I have known have only been in the US and I understand they are a little different. I have never been immersed in their culture.

But it makes perfect sense what you are saying. Women have a more feminine ideal over there, and us American men are so used to women manipulating us for our money that we get a little too suspicious. And that also helps to wait for her to reveal her character good or bad in the courting process.

Your comments bring up another subject. And that is with leaving her over there once you are a couple but before you bring her home. I know she is getting hit on during this time frame. What do you suggest to keep the flame burning from a distance?

Thanks
@ Bob
by: Anonymous

Bob,

That was an issue also. There are sometimes pictures of expensive vacations on yachts, and with expensive Dior or Gucci purses. Or a picture in front of an expensive store like Bulgari.

I took them as sometimes subtle hints. But I also see the point of take it one step at a time.
To Anonymous 1
by: Mabk

Learn some Russian, she will love you for that. Learn words you can compliment her wish but; From the heart, and only if you mean it.

Yah Tee Ochen La Blue Mya (Her Name) = I love you very much.

Learn her name day. Google it, it's bigger than her birthday if she celebrates it. Ask her to celebrate it again with you if she has stopped.

Send flowers, 11 not 12 ,, 12 = Death over there, and Red Roses are just 30 bucks.

There is much more, just ask again, I'm a little busy now. But theres a 123. 101 how to get started.

Mabk
To Anonymous 2
by: Mabk

Here are some deeper thoughts for you Anonymous. Again I disclaim I do not stereotype. This is just my observation, and opinions.

It's true that opposites attract very often. So if you get infatuated quickly also slow down quickly. Don't change but don't allow yourself to move at light speed going after her.

Learn if she is totally, or partially a traditionalist Russian/Ukrainian woman. Many of the girls are not gold diggers but; They are smarter than we often think. A trip to Russia is big money. She may relax into circumstance, not a plan to take you for a ride. Part of most female decisions about you are based on 3 things.

If there traditionalist?

One; is what's practical. So; If you can go Russia you're not broke. This action alone say's you're a practical choice.

Two; Again actions. Is she proud to be with you, and do your actions reflect the same of her. This also involves her family.

Three; (This is tricky). If she's a traditionalist not some new age European prom queen type. You'll slowly notice she's wishing to please you. The girls that are real will place your wishes, desires, and thinking slightly before there own in matters of the Mans Role.

Three takes time; Example; She ask you which skirt looks best, in a store she ask you to choose a lip stick or two (Which is for you not her). She wants her appearance to please you. U.S. men are trained by default to think we're control freaks if we offer small advice to U.S. women in many cases. The traditionalist girls over seas don't want tons of your advice. They will also ask. POINT: But there 100% sincere, and do not see this as you trying to change them.

Back to TWO; If You and she get serious you start to become family. Real family. With all her family members. The words are the same in both countries for family but the actions are not usually the same fully. Russian/Ukrainian families are super close. Next is the point about your concern;

If you and her are serious, pay attention to if she gives you reasons she doesn't say much about the relationship to a lot of people. Family, Friends, Work, and more. This is not an issue for her and other people won't understand this. It's a big RED FLAG, and she is hiding something.

What's appropriate is if most/all her family, friends, co-workers know about you. Moreover they know the basic facts. That you and her are an item. She will be faithful to you almost every case. Think how she would be judged if she was caught by the family, mature friends, (Her reputation is on the line). Reputation is a BIG DEAL to the girls over there; If they are worth your time to start with.

And again compliments that would sound BS in the U.S. are important, and very comfortably fit into a relationship with U.S. man and the girls over seas. Keep it real, and only be truthful but; Yes compliments are confirmation to her she pleases you. = A healthy relationship = what is practical, and the rest is all in place.

As for knowing 100%, you could date your neighbor and find out she's working you and a few other men months down the road. Again I hope this helps you form a plan your comfortable with. We can NOT control anyone anywhere.

Small advice; Ask this of yourself; Can you make 5 trips to Russia/Ukraine over a 10 month period. To a year. Can you maybe get in 6-8 trips in a year to 10 months. If no what can you do? In her own way she will ask. You'll need an answer in a reasonable timeline for her.

I also advise not mentioning that you do or do not want to return to see her until near the end of your first trip. Don't interject this until your time with her is 1-3 days from you flying back. Look into her face when you are about to make your first step to leave Russia. If you really like each other; And you'll probably see a lot/most of what your looking for within your concerns.
Wow
by: Anonymous

Mabk,

Thanks for all of the advice that was very helpful. It is going to take me a while to digest that.

A couple of comments. First I agree with you that any woman can cheat on you anytime and there is not much you can do about it. Point taken. However, there are things that bring you closer and solidify your relationship. And that was what I was really asking and you did address that thanks.

Making multiple trips in a year is not such a problem. I travel a lot and my work is very flexible. But I see what you say about making that decision late on the first trip.

Great advice.
To Anonymous 3
by: Mabk

Quickly; Example; My Russian woman speaks good English; Not perfect.

Everyday on Skype in 1-5 minutes I hear this;
1st thing in our conversation is often "You see for a ticket?", "I miss for you very much", so on.

Sounds good but; When I hear this tears are uncontrollably streaming over her face. Her jaws quiver! Women run on emotion. My girl is super sensitive. She quickly gets it together also, and we laugh also.

I've been sick, car trouble, saving money but I can't pay out to return quickly this moment. So just example but, long distance relationships can rip out your heart at moments. The governments are in control, we are not! Knowledge is power! So study study and study. If you're marriage minded it's a matter of when (not IF) you will meet your girl. 3 x p, or 3p's. Proper Prior Planning. It could save you. And her. Pulling this off is not easy. Be super Patient, Optimistic, as she will feed off your energy during tough moments. Most of these women have had tough lives. Emotionally brutal environments with dominate selfish males. It's case by case, and poverty is rife.

Cultivate a superior mentality of consistent strength. No Fail Mission type of thinking. Then shelve it so in future you can use it when needed. Sorry this was not quick but; It's my opinion. Thanks for compliment, hope this sheds some light on what is possible.
Mabek
by: Anonymous

Once again great value in what you are saying. This site and what Bob has done is a great service to people. And I thank you Bob for this. And Mabek your words make a lot of sense, and I will use them.

One other question. The one I am interested in right now is a little young. I am 56 and she is 30. DO you see these age differences as being a problem? I am in very good shape, work out every day, reasonably good looking or so I have been told. But more important I am active, travel a lot, decent income, comfortable around women including younger women and have dated many in the US. But here they are all so superficial. Do you think this is realistic long term with a Russian woman? I have read the advice on here and Bob makes some great points.

But I wanted to get your opinion Mabek. Should I be looking for someone closer to my age?

Thanks again guys.
RE: Age
by: Bob (Site Owner)

Ah, the age question!

I know a man who was 50 when he married a 25 y.o. woman and they have a successful marriage together (at least so far, but it's been years).

As I say elsewhere on this site I believe it's more the absolute age of the woman and not so much the age difference. In other words, a 23 year old never-married woman with no children who lives in a very large city and walks around all day taking selfies and posting on Facebook is probably a bad gamble whether you're 23 or 63.

This is very subjective, but personally I feel a lot like 30 is the magic number. Women below 30 often have wild expectations of what life is supposed to be like, often aren't very mature, and are worse risks for a successful long-term relationship. Women over 30 (and really more like over 35) are much more real, down to earth, serious, and are much likely to succeed in a long-term relationship.

Some factors can slant these numbers one way or another. For instance, if a 28 year old is divorced and has a child she might have the outlook more like that of a 35. Location can also have an effect on this. A girl in St. Petersburg, Moscow, or Kiev usually "grows up" more slowly than a girl from a smaller town.

Of course the other side of the question is WHAT THE GIRL WANTS. But if a 30 y.o. knows your age and seems to like you, then it obviously isn't a big issue for her.
To Anonymous 4
by: Mabk

In Russia most relationships are older guys, with younger women.

The age difference is approx. 15-25 years difference.

Of course this is not 100 percent of people, just a given that a 35 yr old woman will possibly choose a 60 yr old guy. I know such a couple. They are happy together.

I'm 58 w/a 45 year old woman. I ask her in fact. She said "We like the older man, he is home and happy to see me after work. Not drinking with his friends. He is for the family".

Hope that give you some insight.

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