What do Russian women think about men with kids?

by Billy
(Canada)

I have been to several dating sites and have met women from Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine that have been interested in me. I assumed they looked over my profile before they sent me their first correspondence.

At some point in our correspondence when start talking about my two children, they tell me they’re not interested.

I’m surprised and disheartened at the same time. It seems so contradictory that women from countries that are known for loving children, would be against the idea of marrying a man who a couple kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I would understand if I was 25 maybe. I’m 39 and most men have kids by this age. To top it all off, some of the women who told me they weren’t interested because I have two kids, have a son or daughter of their own. Anyway I’m just confused by it all and some answers would be nice.

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RE: What do Russian women think about men with kids?
by: Bob (Site Owner)

Good question.

First, Russian/Ukrainian women meet, date, and marry men with children all the time, so there is no special cultural bias against that, especially among women who have children of their own. Of course everyone everywhere would prefer starting fresh with a new partner, but most adults realize that the real world isn't always that neatly wrapped.

So, I would guess that one (or more) of the following could be happening.

1) From reading your profile they weren't aware that you had TWO children, and maybe they weren't aware of the ages of your children until you told them in correspondence.

If your profile only says that you have kids, but makes no mention of the number of kids or their ages, they might assume that since you're 39 your kids could be at least in their late teens and consequently more independent, and probably out of the house soon.

Then they find out that it's TWO KIDS (if they didn't already know) AND that they are 2 and 5 (as an example), well, that could be a whole different ball game.

I think you should probably state in your profile that you have two children and mention their ages. At the very least it will help weed out those for whom that is an issue. It's not like they're not going to find out anyway.

But it would be wierd that women with their own kids - especially if those kids are the same age as yours - would reject you just because you have kids.


2) Maybe it's not THAT you have kids, but maybe there's something in WHAT you say about your kids gives these girls reason to worry that maybe this will be a more complicated situation than they imagined. For example, maybe what you say makes it sound like you and the children's mother have a bad relationship fraught with drama.

Or maybe it just sounds like your kids are far too central a figure in your life.

3) OR, maybe things you say that aren't even related to your kids at all are causing women to lose interest, but they just blame it on the kid issue because it's more comfortable than telling the truth.

OR, a subset of this option might be that something you are saying is causing the loss of attraction and the women can't even really identify it so they blame the kid issue.

This is actually fairly normal in everyday dating life... Have you ever pursued a girl, things seemed like they were going great, then all of a sudden she "got busy", work "got crazy", she "has a lot on her mind"? Etc., etc., etc.

MOST OF THE TIME those "reasons" are just the best thing a girl can come up with, but the real reason is that her attraction faded (often VERY LIKELY related to something we did).

I hope that helps. Feel free to post any follow up questions/comments as comments here (instead of a new post).
Same thing happened to me many times
by: Anonymous

I talked to a few women and we talked back and forth maybe 20 times and they mention their kid and as soon as I mention my kid.... poof they never write back. I gave up on Russian woman and have moved to South America.
RE: Same thing happened to me many times
by: Bob (Site Owner)

Are you having better luck in South America?

Billy's (original poster) case seems different than yours. He seems to imply that he declares in his profile that he has kids and is consequently surprised when women lose interest after he discusses them.

That's what led me to believe that either the number or ages of his kids may have been the trigger, or some other way he speaks about them.

In your case you seem to imply that you exchange 20 messages before it even comes up!

Almost every dating site (certainly the good ones) allows everyone to state in their profile whether they have kids and whether they are OK with their partner having kids. If your profile says you have kids and the profiles of the girls you write say that they're OK with a guy who has kids, then something else is going on here if they're disappearing as soon as you mention it!

Look guys - Russian and Ukrainian women don't have any more qualms about men with kids than women anywhere else. For the most part everyone would PREFER a partner without children from previous marriages. But we're not living in a perfect world where every preference is realistic so we adjust.

As I said in answer to Billy's post, if you have kids you should SAY SO IN YOUR PROFILE. And you should probably also mention how many kids you have, their ages, and something about your level of participation in their lives. This is all extremely relevant, important information for a foreign girl with whom you want to have a relationship.

Are your "kids" 28 and 31 years old? If so, they aren't "kids". Are they 2 and 5 and live with you most of the time? In that case the girl probably sees a future as a full-time mommy of your children. That may not be a problem, but if you disclose everything like this up front then at least those who don't want that won't write you.
Never an issue for me
by: Gary from Boston

I am the father of a 24 y/o 'kid'. He and I have a great relationship except for those times when I want to kill him.

My profile (when I was still looking) always mentioned my son and I indicated his birth year so women could do the math at any point in time and determine his current age.

I think for the website(s) I had joined, there might even have been a checkbox saying 'it's ok if he has kids' on women's profiles. Or something to that effect. That was a good filter for this kind of situation.

I had communicated with an abundance of women over time (all ages and households) and, other than maybe a handful of circumstances, they always seemed okay if a guy had kids. Habitually clipping your toenails on the living room couch? THAT could be more of a deal breaker. :o)

R/U women oftentimes have their first (sometimes only) child between 18-21 so many live in the real world. Offspring is seldom an issue.

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