What is your opinion of my current online lady?

by Bob
(Oklahoma, USA)

Unfortunately I just learned this year about Pay-Per-Letter scamming and I have been writing a younger lady on Anastasia.

This lady lives in a war zone so I will be meeting her in Kiev. Her agency will not profit in any way.

I have written to her since March of last year and it appears she might be valid, but who can tell.

I have only gifted her once as I was waiting for a hearing which I won in March and was up front with this to her. She excused me from gifting and said she understood.

I did mention what I had learned about Pay-Per-Letter and she said she was not aware of this. When I asked her in an Email if she would be kind and tell me if she was a scammer she was very hurt personally that I would question her validity. She really gave it to me and said it was just another reason that I have come up with not to visit her as promised.

I am a little afraid about my trip. We do Email each other on our home accounts, but chat on the site as she is only a beginner in English and I do not think she has much time to learn as she attends school and works. She is in the Masters level in her education which has become more demanding and I get to see her live on the site.

We agreed in the beginning to meet once I had won my hearing and that she would finish school, which she promised her mother she would, which is next year. She has never asked me for anything or complained when my finances were too low to chat often. She also has stated that she wants to have a career and a family and not just be a stay at home mother and she has wisdom as we both are psychology majors and we discussed her education being there to provide for her should anything go wrong if we marry.

I am so thankful for your back up plan and will contact you for the places I can go if I am being scammed. What do you think?

Comments for What is your opinion of my current online lady?

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My Thoughts...
by: Bob (Site Owner)

I think you should go to Kiev but cancel the girl. If I had more information I could be more definitive. For example, you say she is "younger". How old? And you?

If you're 48 and writing to a fairly average 43 (by Ukraine standards) year old lady then I could say there MAY be a CHANCE everything is above board. But I'm guessing those parameters aren't the case. She's younger and hotter. Right?

It is a slight deviation from the standard pay-per-letter gag for them to correspond via direct email, but if you're still paying per communication (chat, talk, video), then that's still the pay-per-letter scam. The longer she keeps you talking, the more she/they earn.

But really, if you're using pay-per-letter services, especially those of Anastasia, there really is not much good that will come of it.

And when you say the agency will not profit in any way, are you SURE about that? How is this girl getting to Kiev? Who is arranging her accommodation in Kiev? You said her English isn't all that great. Will she need an interpreter? Who will arrange for that interpreter? Or, will she bringing her interpreter with her from her city (at your expense)? And if she is bringing her interpreter you'll probably be expected to pick up the check for her meals too.

In the worst case scenario in this regard I can easily see upwards of $1000 finding its way into her pocket (or the agency's).

The ONLY way to do this in a way that ensures there's no way for her to profit is to take away any possibility for her to put any money in her pocket. If she needs an interpreter, YOU arrange for the interpreter WITHOUT HER HELP (and without the agency's help). If you want to help with her transportation, YOU BOOK THE NON-REFUNDABLE TICKETS and pay for them yourself. You don't send money, and you don't reimburse. If you want to help with accommodation, YOU choose it and YOU book it and pay for it yourself (money FROM you TO hotel, not to her).

And if you're really serious, you need to immediately move this out of the pay-per-communication world immediately (including chats). If you REALLY can't understand each other, FIND YOUR OWN INTERPRETER to help with some 3-way Skype video calls. Almost surely part of every dime you pay for communication goes into her pocket.

And you need to somehow present all these things to her in a way that doesn't just scream "I don't trust you". It really shouldn't be that hard, however. Let's say she has her interpreter she wants to bring with her. Just say, "Oh, that's sweet, but you don't really need to do that. I will just book a local interpreter in Kiev. We don't need to bring an interpreter from a city 1000km away when there are so many already in Kiev..."

And for hotel just say "Hey, it's really no problem at all for me to just book an additional room in the hotel where I'm staying, so don't trouble yourself with making your own arrangements."

I guarantee she won't let any of that happen! She will have a million reasons it has to be her way. She can only chat through the agency and must use the agency interpreter for live dates because it is "agency policy". Or maybe she'll just say she's only comfortable with her interpreter, or with her choice of hotel. And she'll say that for the train she must pay with cash, etc., etc., etc.

And challenging this girl isn't going to get you anywhere. Of course she'll deny everything, and of course she'll act offended that you don't trust her.

Fortunately ALL these suggestions I make will fail (she won't go for them), so even before your trip you will have discovered that you are in need of Plan B.

I say just assume all that and start with Plan B!

And in the future NEVER use pay-per-letter services again.

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